"Y U NO ORGAZMO?"
I used to love what love used to mean to me.
^^I wrote that.
Ja bring her along… in a body bag! But seriously, don’t murder her… or a possible good time with women in BURLESQUE attire! I will walk into the shack masturbating. I will. Don’t think I won’t! Chicks dig guys that are good with their hands. Standing there at the bar fapping.
Girl: “Eww gross man!”
Me: “Say, do you have a finger to spare perhaps? I got a lonely arsehole that needs a stim-poke.”
Girl: “Is that a pun?”
Me: “whaa?”
Girl: “The “lonely arsehole” bit.”
Me: “Oh! PUN. You said ‘pun’. I thought you said PUNT.”
Girl: “Sorry, not really a fan of baseball.”
Me: “SORRY! Didn’t know it was open mic night!”
Girl: “Pffft! I’m going to leave now.”
Me: “yeah, you do that… stupid punt…”
Girl: “Oh, by the way, its a BURLESQUE dressup party. Why the fuck are you dressed like a banana?”
Me: “YOU’RE A BANANA! Hey, where you going? My place is this way!”
I’ve been called sexist before. Yeah, I know what you are thinking: “Dude, you waaay sexist!”. Now stop being wrong and listen. Women ARE better than men… well I guess that does make me a bit sexist, shit. I can’t help it. Women have virginas. Virginas are by far my favourite vegetables. God knows how I like to eat healthy. So I’m a bit biased towards the feme-ala-no-penis. Penises are not cool. Nor are they vegetables. I may have one but it’s fucking useless. Oh sure, I love being able to pee in a direction but other than that, useless. A friend once said: “Why you not have girlfriend? You not a bad looker.” (He was drunk, English is usually his first language.) Gee wizz, guess it’s my shitty personality that’s keeping the ladies at bay then. He meant well though and I thanked him. Lately, I’ve had more instances of that sort, where friends feel the need to “boost my confidence”. Each time I thanked them but I think once one realises such an intent, the effect is lost. Therefore, I’m void of confidence but it’s cool because I’m trying to go for that geeky-nerdy-sweet-in-a-fumbling-charming-sort-of-way sort of thing.
Emma Roberts. No, Emma Rose Roberts. She has a vegetable. A healthy one I’m sure. I’m completely in love with her. Ok, infatuated. I know how it works: How can one be in love with someone they don’t know? Easy. Watch her movies, observe, obsess, fill in the blanks… in love! I have a pretty extensive imagination and a large part of it is dedicated to filling in the blanks. So, it might not seem like true love, but in the world of Applestring, its truer than fact. I can’t think of anything as true as fact – at least not at this moment – but in the Applestring world, things come to pass at different moments. Stupid line. Forgive me, I’m a few beers down already (Dinosaur JR – I’m insane #playingnow.) Excuse for a moment, I need to take Kate Wizzlet (piddle, piss, pee, urinizilliate)…
I’M BAAACK! Ain’t it cool how I’ve created a feel of a live-feed with this piece. It’s like you were with me the whole way. You could totally imagine me leaving the keyboard and walking to the basin… I mean toilet to take a slash, right? Yeah.
So here’s the plan (Plans rarely play out as planned): I will do more of the “expressing myself with writing” here, but who knows. I don’t make promises anymore. My 26 years of life has taught me enough to know that promises are for romantic movies and novels, and definitely not for 26 year olds. Plus, I use drinking as a means to cope with not being able to cope so I’ll, more than likely, be on my ear when writing, like now. Oh, I tried to write and record a song, a love song, about and for Emma, but the blanks proved too desolate… so, no awesome track. No awesome sending of awesome track to Emma Roberts. Therefore, no declaration of my love. Maybe next Christmas… Haha, sorry inside joke. Bye. – the end (… of the world – 23 Dec 2012?).
I have started watching Bleach again so I figured I’d do my own character.
Prap Prap Prap - see above.
![Tulum Mexico in Late Afternoon Light [Explore #1, THANK YOU]](http://static.flickr.com/5470/7235972310_8c25258da5_t.jpg "Tulum Mexico in Late Afternoon Light [Explore #1, THANK YOU]")
